How does one accurately paint a picture of a person who shared one’s life as an employee on paper, but who came to represent so much more than simply the business end of a childcare contract? With extreme difficulty. I wanted to share a few memories I have of Flora that will remain in my heart and that I hope will do justice to her memory and the type of person she was. What she taught me about being a mother. And the gifts of love, tenderness and devotion she gave to my children.
- Faith: and in this I don’t necessarily mean religion although her Christian faith was very important to her. When our son underwent spinal surgery, developed septicemia and was very ill, Flora never gave up faith. Not for a second. I lost faith every five minutes. Flora was unwavering in her support of our family and in her belief that it would all be ok. I am not good with public displays of emotion. I choose to weep in private and struggle to share my tears. On the day we heard there was a problem with our son’s spine, I came home to a very concerned Flora. I gave her the prognosis, trying my best to keep it together. I couldn’t. I sobbed like a little girl. Snot, tears, big hiccupping cries. She embraced me and I cried a massive wet patch on her shoulder. For five minutes we stood together. I have never wept like that with anyone before. Or since.
- An innate sense of calm. Flora never raised her voice or lost her temper. She would calmly stand by while I raged on like a lunatic. She’d gently shepherd my children away while I visited the dark side and she’d wait until I had come back. I always admired her sense of peace and calm in dealing with any situation. Whether it was snake in the garage, a burglary or the time our son let down three of the tyres on my mother-in-law’s car.
- Being present: It was after my little boy said one afternoon while we were playing outside – or rather I was tanning my legs while he threw the ball at me – that he preferred playing with Flora… I started taking note of how she engaged with our children. With her undivided attention. She’d never half-heartedly do anything. Playing in the puddles, painting a rainbow or building a fort for my son’s collection of garden creatures. She was there. All of her. And they knew it. Big lesson for me.
- Kindness and generosity: Every birthday our children would receive a special and thoughtful gift chosen just for them. When I suffered extreme morning sickness in my second pregnancy, she’d take calls from my GP and reassure him that I was indeed taking in sufficient fluids. When I came home after Gabriella was born, there was a posy of flowers next to my bed and a card congratulating me on our beautiful little girl and how proud she was to be a part of her life. No fuss, no fanfare. Just kindness.
- Humour: So much of raising children is about damage control. Curtailing the carnage and doing your best to ensure they don’t die. I tend to get very caught up in the stress of it all. To Flora, it was a joy. And she’d always find the humour in it. Her reaction when Ollie would do an arc pee across the walls – was to laugh. When Gabriella ate the dog's food, she’d laugh her head off. Ollie sticking peas up on his nose, when he pooed on the side of the road on the way home from school. When Gabriella drew her ‘art’ on the walls in koki pen. She embraced it. She delighted in it. In the innocence and playfulness of children. Such a lesson for an uptight stresspot like me.
We will all miss Flora. We haven’t had the heart to tell our son that she has gone. We haven’t found the words. How do you tell a child that the person they spent every day of four out of their five years of life they will never see again? My son asked about her last week. He came into our bedroom, sat on our bed and said: “When we visit South Africa can we see Flora and can she play with me again with my big yellow truck?” Out of the blue he mentioned her. He hadn’t for a while. This was on Wednesday. The day she died. On this day, she was in my son’s thoughts. I believe, in some way, he was in her thoughts too.
And so we bid farewell to a gentle soul who loved her sons with an unwavering pride and passion. A single parent who worked every day to educate them, provide for their needs. Who embraced and loved our children and was always there when we needed her. A true lady who lived with such grace. Who was my friend.
Hamble kahle Florie. Ngiyakuthanda
Below is the reference I wrote for Flora to help her to find a new family when we knew we were leaving for the UK. And she did find a new home. A lovely family. Who miss her and ache over her loss just as much as we do.
Sent on the 4th of February 2013
I write this mail in the hopes of securing our beloved nanny Flora a home in which she is loved and adored as she is in ours. We are in the process of emigrating to the UK and Flora will be available to join a family by the 1st of April 2013. I wish that we were able to take Flora with us (I have tried!!), however as attractive a scenario this would be for our family, it is simply not feasible for Flora as she is dedicated to her two adult sons and her family and community in Botha's Hill. I have tried to convince her otherwise, but alas she remains steadfast in her belief that this is her home.
Flora joined our family in 2009 when our son Oliver was 10 weeks old.
At the time we lived in an apartment in Musgrave and Flora travelled daily from Botha's Hill to take care of him and make sure that our home was kept to her impeccable standard of order. Flora quickly became a part of our lives and fitted into our routine with a quiet grace and dignity, instilling a sense of calm and humility that I can only aspire to. Being a new parent, I often erred on the side of hysteria and Flora was a welcomed validation to my newfound motherhood, reassuring me that I was a good mother and doing the best that I could. I needed to hear that. A lot.
At just shy of 10 months old, our son Oliver underwent neuro-surgery at St Augustine's to remove a tumour located on his spine which threatened his ability to walk and his bowel and bladder control, the outcome of which we were told was touch-and-go. Naturally as parents Tim and I were beside ourselves with concern. Flora made her way to the hospital to check on "her boy" every day during his two-week stay and I remember how sure she was in her conviction that he'd pull through. He did pull through and Flora was there to play the role that I as a mother juggling full-time work was unable to resume 100% of the time - she gently and carefully took care of our little boy when we couldn't. She tended to his post-op needs, and then helped to teach him to walk, count, decipher colours, animals and insects. And he has thrived and grown under her care into an active four-year-old boy who climbs trees and collects snails and shongololos; who is sensitive and perceptive.
We moved to Kloof in Sept 2010 where Flora took on the added responsibility of fetching Oliver from school and maintaining a significantly larger home as well as 2 Labrador pets. In November 2011, we welcomed a daughter Gabriella into our family and once again Flora embraced our little girl into her heart and she became Flora's shadow. To this day at 15 months old, when Flora leaves at 4pm, Gabriella will sob without fail.
Flora in 4 years has never taken a sick day. She has never let me down. She has been my mentor, my support, my friend. I trust her implicitly with our most valued treasures in life - our children. I cannot recommend her enough.
If anyone is interested in meeting Flora with the possibility of employing her as a nanny, please drop me a line or give me a call and I'd be happy to facilitate an interview or provide additional details re salary, working hours, responsibilities, etc. Her preference is the Upper Highway area, and a live-out position.
Sally Cook
