Wot’s a mum to do?

I am in a battle at the moment with my five-year-old son who keeps saying… “Look wot I done.” Couldn’t get more chav if he tried. Well he could I suppose. If we shaved his head and pierced his ears. We may think our South African accent isn’t so naaice and we laaik to hear posh speak, but we sound positively royal in comparison to a chav accent. The sound of chav sets my teeth on edge like someone taking a bite out of a brick of polystyrene. My husband says I am the biggest snob he knows…with the least reason to be. But I simply cannot have a child who speaks like dis and dat. So, I make him repeat every sentence. Every single time. Until I hear a distinct “t”. Until he gets it right. This is painful. For both of us. But he will thank me later.

According to his latest school report, he’s also battling with his handwriting and reading. Two areas of development that "need some focused attention". Nothing serious to warrant calling in any troops mind you, says his teacher. We just need to work on them. Devote the same time and energy as he does to his other classroom pursuits. Give the oke some random cardboard and sticky tape – and he’ll transform it into a dinosaur/robot/dump truck. Put a football in front of him and you’ve got a goal-driven Messi wannabee. He’s an active and capable young lad. There’s no issue with his comprehension of letters. He’s happy to read the title of any free new games on iTunes on the iPad or navigate the list of movies on Netflix. So we know the boy’s got smarts. He can read. When he wants to. He’s just not that keen to do it at school. He’d rather be outdoors climbing, kicking a ball or crafting a new creation.

For me, reading and writing are as natural to life as breathing, having a glass of wine or not shaving my legs in winter. So I am at a slight loss on how to help my child who doesn’t appear to share the same passion for words. When he was a toddler - about two and half I’d say – he learnt to ‘read’ a children’s book (David and Goliath). All we had to do was turn the page, and the oke would read out the words. He did this for the entire book. Word for word. Ok so it was like 10 pages with a massive font size and lots of pictures. But we figured he was a genius. He even said the word “philistines”. I mean seriously. How many toddlers can do this? Luckily we weren’t too quick to broadcast his talent, because it turns out that many children share the same gift. It’s called having a good memory. He’s got an incredible memory in fact. He’s inherited this from his Dad. Who can remember exactly how much I have over-spent on every purchase I wasn’t supposed to make since the dawn of time.

Whatever path our boy’s life takes – we know it will be unique and he will find his own way. I know too that we’ll figure out this reading and writing thing. Millions of mums have been in my shoes. Especially mums of boys. Part of me wishes I could say to him “You know what…many successful people in life are barely literate. So ditch school and follow your passion. Build, climb and kick your brains out.” And I don’t define success just in financial terms either. For now though, he at least needs to know how to spell “what” even if he says “wot”. Also, for my own amusement and base humour, I’m looking so forward to the next couple of years where he may come home with a piece of work from school that reads something like any one of the little gems below. Such genius I of course will frame. Like any muvver wot’s good. Innit?

Images courtesy of yup...you guessed it The good old Huffington Post.