“One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu –
the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you
can’t exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our
interconnectedness. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just
individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you
do affects the whole world. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the
whole of humanity.” - Desmond Tutu
I love this. Everything
about it. I wish that the entire planet would embrace ubuntu. It’s so simple, yet
so powerfully positive. In South Africa, whether we recognise it or not, we live
with the spirit of ubuntu. It’s intrisically woven into the fabric of everyday
living. There’s a reason that the proverb “it takes a village to raise a child”
has African origins. It’s how we are. How we think. It just is.
Moving to the UK has
shown me more than ever what ubuntu means. And how I miss it. Especially when it comes to my family. Raising children
here is tough. Raising children anywhere is tough. It’s full-on. It’s
full-time. My eldest recently discovered sarcasm. And irony. And eye-rolling. My daughter’s superpower is melodrama.
She’s prone to hysterics. She’s clocked my breaking point and just the right
pitch to take me there. My youngest is a wild one. He’s fearless. He seeks and
destroys. He chewed chunks of foam from a brand new trampoline in five
minutes, threw an iphone down a stormwater drain and stuffed my bank cards and
our post down the slats in our suspended wooden floor. They keep us on our
toes. It’s what they do. They’re children. They're lovely and a little loathsome at times, if you're honest enough to admit it. And this is true no matter where you live.
Moving
abroad is most often a choice that expats willingly make. It’s a journey that
people undertake with planning and purpose. And we’re prepared, in part, to
deal with everything that's different: the lifestyle, the weather, the people. What’s
hardest to handle though, in my opinion, is raising a family far away from
home. Without a full family framework. Without ubuntu.
As Saffas, we’re not
the only expats doing this. I read a crazy statistic that one in every 10 people
living in the UK is a foreign citizen. Most, like us, will be doing it alone.
Doing our best to make memories and mark milestones to share with our loved
ones across the miles. Doing our best to parent with a plan or wing it spectacularly, as I do.
Living here we can
speak of first world privilege. Of access to the best healthcare, education, public
transport, history, art, culture. And I’m appreciative of all it all. Truly I am. Life is
more than this though. It’s about the little things. The cricket match. The
ballet concert. The awards assembly. And it's about the big things. Birthdays. Christmases.
Anniversaries. And ubuntu. Life is about ubuntu. A philosophy for living that for all its advancement, this developed
world hasn’t quite developed yet.
